Tender mercies

When we got pregnant we knew up front that once Hutson was older I would be going back to work. Although this is not what we wanted we knew it was what we had to do while Grant finished school. In a perfect world, I would be able to be a stay-at-home mom from the get go, but sometimes life doesn't always start off the way you want it to. Right now I get to be the bread winner, and my handsome husband gets to focus on school and taking care of our family so one day I can have that dream. Many people questioned if I wanted a baby so bad why I wouldn't wait until I could fully appreciate it. Why would I have a baby if I had to go right back to work and miss seeing my son for most of the day? Wouldn't I miss most of his life because I spent most my time away from him? Yes, these are all questions that I hear on a daily basis, and I will be honest that it sucks to think about each one of them.

Today was my first day back at work. I am only working part-time this week and transitioning into full time starting February. Ladies at work asked me all day how it felt to be back at work. I kept reassuring myself that it felt great. It was nice to get a break away from being needed to feed, change, or babble baby talk. Once four o'clock showed up on my computer, I was anxious to pack up my stuff and head back home to see my baby. I had no idea how much I missed him. Yes, I was only gone for four hours, but he already seemed so much bigger. I immediately took him to his room, laid him on his changing table, changed his diaper, and starting talking to him. It was definitely more for me, but I told him how mommy was working for him. Mommy was going to be gone most of the week so he could be taken care of. I never realized until now that life officially stopped being for just me and for someone so much more important than myself. Yes it is hard, but I know that it will be worth it. I know that Hutson will be taken care of by his wonderful daddy and his amazing Gigi, who loves him more than anything.

Grant and I went to the temple this last Saturday to do temple work for my great-uncle. It was a great experience being able to seal someone to their parents (For those of you not familiar with the LDS temples and what we do there, please visit http://mormon.org/faq/use-of-temples). The tears of joy on my great-cousins face that rolled down reminded me just how special life is and how easily it can be taken advantage of. Every time I go to the temple I pray that I will feel the spirit and will learn something new. Every time I go, I feel the spirit, but I don't seem to walk away with this "Ah, ha!" moment. This time was different. I was reminded why I am doing what I am doing - why I had Hutson when I did even though I knew I had to go back to work. Heavenly Father commanded us to get married and to start a family. He promised that it wouldn't be easy, but with His help it would be taken care of. The pains and sorrows we felt would be lifted. I know that I will good days and I will have bad days. Yes today was only day one, but I sure has heck hope that on those bad days I can remember that with the help of my Heavenly Father and the comfort of my Savior I can overcome it.

When I came home from work today and took care of Hutson, I laid down on the couch with him in my arms cuddled up. He slept for a good two hours in my arms. Normally, I would get fidgety and put him in his swing or boppy pillow. This time I enjoyed the moment. Looking at his sweet face made everything worth it. When he woke up, I put him in his boppy pillow. He heard me talking to Grant and instantly turned his head and stared me down. He wouldn't turn away. He was keeping his eye on his momma. It was this moment that I decided that I was going to start writing down tender mercies I had each week with my handsome little guy. I know that one day I will need a pick-me-up reminder. I hope to collect each tender mercy and put them in a book with his pictures. This will be my first birthday gift to myself.

So today, I am grateful for those two dark eyes that for the first time stayed awake from his six o'clock feeding to his nine o'clock bedtime (He normally takes a short nap). He laid against my legs and just wanted to talk to me. I gave him kisses on each of his cheeks while he was on his changing table getting ready for bed. Each time I would kiss his cheek his mouth would open up like he was giving me kisses back. He had a smile appear every once in awhile. These are the moments I remind myself why I am a mom (even if I have to be a working mom).

Hutson's Birth Story

Please enjoy how this handsome little guy came into the world! (Beware of graphic detail, it's for my remembrance.)

On November 21, I went into the doctor's office for my last check up. I already had been diagnosed with pre-hypertension so they were keeping an eye on my blood pressure in the office. Again, I came in and it was super high. Dr. Robert had me to do (yet again!) another 24-hour urine collection. That next morning she wanted me to drop it off at the hospital we were delivering at and do another blood sample as well. If they found more protein, they would go ahead and induce me that next day. We followed her directions. Now let me be honest. I never believed that I had pre-hypertension. I would go to my diabetic doctor the same day as my OBGYN and never have blood pressure anywhere close to where I was measuring at the OBGYN, but I thought I better listen to the baby doctor first.

I told Dr. Robert that I did NOT want to have this baby on November 22! That was my dad's birthday and something about sharing birthdays did not sound appealing for me. She reassured me that even if I had to be induced that next day that labor would last at least 24 hours, which would put me into the evening of the 23rd. The morning of the 22nd we dropped off my urine, registered (AGAIN) at the hospital, had my blood drawn all before 11. My OBGYN office closes at 2:30 on Fridays so I wanted to make sure they had my results before they left for the weekend. Grant and I were hungry and we couldn't decide what we wanted so we comprised with going to different locations. I wanted a BLT from Jimmy Johns, he wanted Taco Bell, and we both wanted cherry limeades from Sonic. It was quite a lunch. Around 2 pm, I decided to call the nurse and see if they had my results yet. The nurse said she hadn't, but would call me when they did so Grant and I laid down for a nap. That didn't last long...around 2:50 the nurse called and said "Pack your bags and come on in. We are getting that baby out of you!" Immediately, Grant and I started frantically collecting things together. We hadn't planned on being induced til the 26th so most my laundry was either in the washer or dyer. I had Grant call my mom and tell her what was going on and have her come this way. Everything sit in as I was taking stuff out of the dryer. I collapsed and started bawling. Grant didn't know what to do. He was so sweet! He helped me up and asked if we could say a prayer together. Gosh, he is such a great man. He prayed that we would have a safe delivery and that I would be calm throughout it....much to our surprise how that prayer was answered.

Grant and I packed up everything we could think of, put Bauer in his cage, and headed to the hospital. I thought I was fine til my sister texted me telling me how proud of me she was. It meant so much to me. I started bawling AGAIN. We made it to the hospital and into our room. The nurse had me put the lovely gown on and sit in bed and relax for a little bit. The next little bit I don't quite remember. I remember the nurse telling me they were going to put medicine in my cervix in hopes that it would thin it out. It takes approximately twelve hours to even start labor. The plan was to put it in around 5 pm, check me at 5 am the next morning, put me on Pitocin, and see where my labor went from there. Well much my surprise, this baby had his own plan!

She put the medicine in me at 5 pm and around 6:30/7ish my contractions started. By that time my parents showed up at the hospital. My mom looks for excuses to make fun of me for being a hypochondriac so I tried to keep it cool about the contractions. Finally, I couldn't fake it anymore. They were started to be painful enough I had to breathe through them. The medicine that takes 12 hours to even start labor had put me in full blown labor in only two hours. The nurse asked me around 8 pm if I wanted an Ambien pill so I could get some rest for the next day. Around 11 pm I finally agreed to get some because the contractions were worse, and I thought if I could sleep through it I could bare the pain. Boy did that medicine kick in fast! Poor Grant was passed out cold on the couch, and when the contractions hit full force he woke up, stood by my side, and never left it. I appreciate him more than words can describe. He went through more of this labor that I did. The rest of labor is only a blur for me. Around midnight I guess the contractions were bad enough I asked for the epidural. I remember it hurting, and I barely remember sitting up for the epidural.

Next thing I remember is hearing Grant say, "Babe, it's time to push." While I was asleep they had given me magnesium to help with the high blood pressure. It was making me sick, and I remember throwing up a couple times. It was around 5 am on November 23rd, when they measured me and found me ready to push the baby out. They were so amazed! I originally was going to have Dr. Robert deliver this baby, but Dr. Derrick was on call. She was even surprised to be called that early in the morning. She wasn't anticipating it til that next afternoon. Grant called my mom and had her rush to the hospital. My parents were staying at my house so they were much closer to me. Around 5:20 am I started pushing and at 5:47 am my beautiful baby boy entered this world. Pushing was so difficult for me. Not only did I have an epidural which makes it hard to push anyways, but I was heavily medicated on sleeping medicine. I don't remember the pain, and boy did time go by fast. Grant and my mom kept having to wake me up. They want you to push three times per contraction, but during my second push I kept falling asleep. Grant was starting to get upset with me, but dang it I couldn't help it!

Hutson James Joyner was born November 23, 2013 at 5:47 am. He weighed 5 pounds 15 ounces and measured 19 inches long. I remember them putting him on my chest when he was born, putting him on the cart to clean him up, and whipping him away because his APGAR score was too low. They took him to the nursery, cleaned him up and I want to say that an hour or so later they brought him back into my room. My first sight was Grant sitting in the rocking chair feeding him. It is a sight I will not forget - such a precious moment! The next couple hours I don't remember at all. I know that Grants parents, my parents, Grandpa Dungan, and Iris came to see us (well mostly just Hutson). I was in and out of sleeping for the next few hours. They had to keep me in the labor and delivery room for observing because they have to watch you for twelve hours after they give you the magnesium. Dr. Derrick allowed me to get off the magnesium much quicker than planned which allowed me to get up and walk to the bathroom. I know that labor and delivery is work, but gosh the recovery when you are that medicated is rough!

We were transferred to our postpartum room in the evening. Aunt Becky and Eric came to visit with Sheila, but left to let us rest. Kayla and Ethan came a couple hours later to see us and brought us a cute outfit for him. Grant's friend from the National Guard also came to see us. He had never held a newborn before. He was in heaven. They eventually left us alone for the evening. Grant had to watch the Texas A&M game with Hutson (They lost). We decided to send Hutson to the nursery for the night so we could get some sleep. That next morning we were discharged around 3 pm, and sent on our merry way home as a family of three.

Looking back at the first couple days he was born, I am beyond grateful for my family and the love and sacrifice they showed towards our new family. My mom was there for moral support (and comic relief). Sheila was there whenever Grant needed a meal. She went to Target and bought us numerous things we still needed. My sister who was on baby duty the first night home because she knew I needed some sleep (although I was so worried about my newborn I stayed up with her). Most importantly, my handsome husband. He took care of me my entire pregnancy. Allowed me to be cranky, moody, and emotional. Took me to get whatever I was craving no matter the time. Went with me to every single doctor's appointment. He took care of Hutson the entire time we were in the hospital because I was so out of it. It has been a joy watching our relationship change from us to a family of three. I wouldn't have it any other way!

When two become three

Considering Grant and I are 10 weeks pregnant, we thought it was time to start up our blog. Who knows who will read it, but at least it will someday be a memory of what we went through (hopefully many laughs later).

Grant and I found out April 9, 2013 that we were having a baby. I hadn't been feeling well. My stomach was cramping. I was tired all the time. I was eating much more than normal. I didn't think anything of it, but I told Grant I would wait a couple more days then take a test. We had bought some pregnany tests months before just in case. So that Tuesday night I went to take a shower and took a test without Grant knowing. I peed on the stick and VIOLA it was immediately pregnant. There was no waiting two minutes just in case. It was clear as day. I went to show Grant and of course he had to run to CVS to get the most expensive test to double check. Yup, I was surely pregnant.

To be honest, I wasn't going to allow myself to get excited. I have known way too many friends who recently had miscarriages, and my mom had a miscarriage. My whole life I wanted to be a mom. It was something I dreamt of. I knew I was on this earth to be a mom. I didn't want to get excited about something and have it ripped away from me. I never told anyone this because I was scared. Grant was so incredibly thrilled that I dare not mention anything to him. I didn't want to ruin his excitement.

We went ahead and scheduled our first appt with the nurse. We were thoroughly impressed with the office. The nurse was phenomenal. She answered all our questions. She was supportive with every decision we wanted for our pregnany and our baby. It was very comforting. Half way through the appointment Grant asks, "So we are pregnant, right?" She laughed and said, "Oh yes, don't you worry. It showed up real fast." We were relieved even though were were only at 5 weeks.

At 8 weeks we had our first real appointment. Again, I was very impressed with the doctor. We see every doctor and then whichever is on call when I go into labor is who delivers me. Considering I have juvenile diabetes, I am a high-risk pregnancy. They ensured me we would have no problems and would have a healthy baby. I might possibly have a smaller baby, and they will induce me at least a week early. I had a lovely ultrasound (I will spare you the details). It is the only way to correctly measure the baby and such a small size. I'll be honest here. As soon as I saw that baby moving and the heart beating, I believed. The hope inside me came true. I had a couple tears come out, but thankfully I was able to mask it from Grant and the Dr. Yes, anything can happen in the next couple of weeks, but I have that hope now that our baby will be perfectly fine. I know he/she will be healthy, and I know everything will be joyful.