Half a year already!

Holy moly, my kiddo is already six months old! Where in the world has time gone. Before I had Hutson I always heard from people "Be careful, they grow up way too fast." How is it that time went by much slower before we had Hutson and now I blink and he's sitting up on his own.

What a handsome little guy!

We went to the doctor the other day and these are his recent stats:
Weight: 16 lbs 13 oz (36%ile)
Height: 26.25 inches (42%ile)
Head Circum: 16.5 inches (8%ile)

Hutson's development:

• Hutson started sitting up on his own this week. He gets so proud of himself that he starts flapping his arms and either ends up falling forwards or backward. I love watching himself be so proud.
• Hutson can roll over back-to-front and front-to-back, but it doesn't do anything for him. He knows he can do this and that's about as far as we get. He doesn't choose to do it. We talked to the doctor about it and since he can do it she isn't worried. Most mornings we find him on his belly facing the opposite direction we put him in. He sure is mobile.
• Hutson scoots himself across our bed. I don't think it will take too much to get him to start crawling.
• The hemangioma on his forehead is looking better. We go to the dermatologist every two months to monitor it. So far it's not growing. In the next couple months we will be starting on a steroid cream to slowly stop the growth.

Hutson's likes:

• He loves eating big boy food. We started with the level one bananas, apples, carrots, sweet potatoes, and pears. He started off eating at dinner time. This last week started on level two foods and he is much happier with it because he kind of has to chew it a little bit more. It's not straight liquid.

Yummy carrots!

• He loves sitting in his Baby Einstein play set. He loves scooting himself around the circle and seeing all the toys. He's figured out that he can pull out one of the rings and bang it on everything else. He is hilarious in this thing! He jumps up and down and gets so excited that he pushes off the ground and leans back to fling his body.
• He loves attention! He grins at strangers and shows off his dimples. He makes everyone he sees so happy. I truly think this is such a talent of his at such a young age. I'm sure most babies have that talent, but there is something about Hutson that is so therapeutic. Depending on the person he will get giggly and smiley. I love watching him change the moods of strangers. He does the same thing for all of us.
• Hutson loves to be outside. He is perfectly fine with being outside in the sun with his sunglasses on. We try to keep him in the shade as best we can, but he insists with being in the sun. I can't wait for it to be a little bit warmer so we can put him in the pool. We went to Tyler State Park last weekend and while Grant went out on a boat we just sat under the trees and watched people and nature. It was so relaxing! Hutson was so happy even though he didn't have many toys with him.

  

  Watching Daddy play soccer

•  Hutson LOVES his Daddy! I absolutely adore watching these two together. Grant lives his life now for this little guy. Hutson knows that Grant is the playful one. He will giggle and laugh and screech. There is nothing better than hearing them across the house play with each other. Their relationship is something so special.
• He loves his Bauer boy. They are best friends. Every night Bauer sits at the front door because he can hear Hutson, but he can also hear us. Bauer always gets on the bed and makes sure that he's right next to Hutson. Hutson then proceeds to grab Bauer with both his hands. He pulls handfuls of hair out. Also as much as we try to stop it, Bauer licks the heck out of Hutson's face and Hutson just sits there with a smile on his face.

Hutson's dislikes:

• When this boy is hungry he wants to be fed like ten minutes ago. He's not very patient. He just looks with this stare as he's crying like "Why don't you understand me!?"
• He does not like grass! When we take him to Grant's soccer games we keep trying to put him on the grass, but he screams every time.

Two years down and eternity to go!

Today marks our second anniversary and I couldn't be any happier. What a life we have had in the past year, let alone two years. What a crazy up and down life we have. What memories we have created. The tears we have shed together, the laughs we have had together, the jokes and the life changing events who have made us such a great couple.

April 28, 2012 - Sealed in the Seattle, WA temple
I had no idea what my future with this man could bring!

April 28, 2013 - Anniversary trip to San Antonio
A  month and a half pregnant with Hutson boy.

April 28, 2014 - Anniversary dinner
Baby slobber and a purse full of toys is my new life.

I remember the night before Grant and I got married. I never was nervous. I never had a doubt in my mind what was before me. I was so anxious to spend the rest of my life waking up to him and never having to say good bye.

Our first year of marriage was full of nonstop events causing time to fly by! We moved into our neighbors basement, packed up all of our stuff and moved from Washington to Texas (I had no idea what I was getting myself into), moved in with my in-laws, moved into our first real place together (I loved that apartment!), got a dog because we had no plans to get pregnant (ha!), and found out we were pregnant. My wonderful in-laws surprised us with a hotel on the water in San Antonio for our first wedding anniversary. We had plans to go, do, and see so much while we were there, but instead relaxed and walked around the water while spoiling ourselves with way too much delicious food.

My coworker recently asked me what our plans for our anniversary were this year. I had absolutely no idea. Grant and I planned to go to Galveston just the two of us. I was going to surprise Grant with a fishing expedition and a relaxing weekend at the beach. Having a baby has definitely put a little bit of a damper on being able to pick up and go without thinking about it. I would never change it for anything, but because my in-laws were going to be out of town (free babysitters) and Grant had drill both this last weekend and next we decided to move our weekend getaway for later this summer. Last night we still had no idea what we were going to do today, and for some reason I was totally okay with it.

Grant and I have never been big planners or needed much to occupy ourselves. That is one thing that I am grateful for. Just being together makes us happy and content. This morning Hutson woke us up at 6:30am (much earlier than normal). I fed him and the three of us cuddled together in bed for another hour and a half. Grant spoiled me by getting us donuts for breakfast. I gave Grant his card and a gift to him to get his CHL. He has been wanting it so bad! We laid in bed while watching Private Practice (Yes, I have watched almost two whole seasons in the last three days. That's what happens when the husband is out of town). I asked Grant if we could go out to lunch, but he was way too anxious to get me my anniversary gift. He told me that I needed to pick it out. We left the house and my mind was running through ideas of what he could be getting me. Note to anyone that knows Grant: he CANNOT keep secrets! I was impressed. We headed down 121 and into Allen. He told me he didn't really know where the place was but we would figure it out. The outlet stores are in Allen and the only one we ever shop at is the Coach store (my addiction!). He told me I could get anything in the store. I ended up getting a diaper bag (surprise, surprise!). The rest of the day we spent walking around the outlet mall, dealing with a baby who had his first blowout diaper (boy was he angry!), bought Grant some new soccer shoes in exchange for getting his CHL, then headed home to waste a couple hours until our surprise dinner. Grant surprised me with a DELICIOUS dinner at Jinbah (a Japanese hibachi restaurant). He spoiled me with lobster and filet mignon dinner. What a stud he!

Yes, I am impressed by the amount of effort Grant put into today. But at the end of today, while Hutson is asleep in his room and Grant is gone playing in a soccer game, I reflect on how none of those materialistic things matter to me or made my day as great as it was. I don't need any "thing" to make me happy. I don't need any trip or any amount of money to make me happy. Grant and I don't have a lot of money right now due to lots of bills from the past couple months, but today it didn't matter. Today, I am reminded just how blessed I am to have such a thoughtful and amazing husband. I know that almost any women can write this as they reflect on their spouse, but I feel the need to do it myself.

I have a husband who has gone through amazing trials in his life. He sacrificed years of his life to fight in the Army, who continues to sacrifice years of his life in the Army to take care of his family's health needs. Those years of trial and anguish still haunt him and probably always will. He has been teased, embarrassed, and manipulated for his beliefs and morals. He has stood up for himself and our family when times have tested us. He has needed a shoulder to cry on and constant words of encouragement, but at the end of the day he is my hero. He is my best friend and my constant companion. I don't need any fancy day or fancy gifts. Laying on the couch, watching TV, laughing at silly faces our son makes, playing fetch with our dog...those are the moments that remind me just how lucky I am. Those are the moments that remind me why I married him. They are the moments that I hope we continue to have for eternity.

Four lovely months into this journey

Such a handsome little guy!

Hutson boy is officially four months old now. Time has gone by so fast yet it seems like SO much has happened!

Here's little man's stats from his appointment last week:

• Weight: 13 lbs 10.5 oz (27%tile)
• Height: 24.5 in (36%ile)
• Head Circum: 15.75 in (7%ile)

Yup, he's still a little guy. We started him on rice cereal. He wasn't quite sure about it. I'm sure that it didn't help that he was extremely tired and hungry when we first tried it, but who can blame the poor guy. We tried again the next day and he was much more pleased. We put some in his nighttime bottle, and it seems to help him sleep his normal 12 hours. He was going through a phase where he thought 5:30 am was time to wake up. Thankfully that only lasted about a week. Cross our fingers, I think we are back to our normal 7/7:30ish routine. We do wake up around 4-6 am depending on the night to have the binkie put back in. Thankfully it takes a quick second and we both go back to sleep.

I'm so hungry!





Likes:

• He loves to be changed and he loves to be naked! As soon as you put him on the changing table he immediately starts to smile. If for some reason he is crying and upset, you put on the table and VOILA we've got a changed kid.
• He loves to be talked to. This has started in the last couple days. He wants to have conversations all day long with people. With Grant and I, he'll start conversations and keep going. With others it takes him a while to get started. He seems to read people before he gives them the go ahead with any facial or verbal response.
• He loves to stand up and sit up. If he could stand up all the time he would. If he starts to get a little fussy, stand him up. As for sitting up, it won't be much longer til he is sitting up completely on his own. When he lays down he is constantly moving his neck upward so he can sit. Also, when you put him in his car seat. He will sit up, but realizes it's not too comfortable.
• He loves his ball. We got him this new ball a couple weeks ago and boy has it become his favorite. It used to be the purple cow toy, but he has since upgraded. He falls asleep with it in his hands. He has to have it with him in the car seat.
• When he is really tired he wants his binkie. I'm hoping we can keep it this way. I don't mind him having it when he's tired and ready to fall asleep. Let's hope it stays that way!
• When he's really tired he likes to be swaddled. It's actually a necessity for him to fall asleep. I know it is something we need to stop doing here in the near future due to the almost rolling over deal, but I don't really want to jump through that hoop quite yet.
• He loves to be on this toy mat. He loves pulling down the animals and putting them in his mouth. He thinks it's so cool to pull one animal down with this feet and another with his hands. This boy LOVES playing with his feet. Anything that gets near his feet is pulled/touched/felt.
• He LOVES his feet being touched/rubbed. It calms him down and flat out relaxes him to a tee. He is a little ticklish at first, but once you start rubbing them he gives a deep sigh of relief.
• He is starting to like tummy time. This has been a HUGE battle since day one. We didn't do it often because it ruined the whole day. Literally the moment you put him on his belly he would just scream. When you would pick him up he would continue to scream. It lasted FOREVER. Totally not worth it for us. We had him on his belly on our chests (the doctors told us this counts just as much) and called that good enough. Now it's a much better experience. He especially loves tummy time on our bed (I don't blame him. It's much softer than the rug.). He will crawl/scoot his way all over our bed. There is normally a drool trail all over the bed. He looks up for us, smiles and then lays his head flat on the bed like "Mom, aren't you proud of me?! But now that you believe I can do it, I think I'm done for now." It's the cutest thing.

He's going to be a soccer player like Daddy.

 

He's so proud of himself when he hits the buttons and makes the music play.

Dislikes:

• There isn't much right now that he doesn't like. He is pretty content throughout the day unless he is hungry or tired. He does not like to be ignored and has started freaking out when you walk away from him. He follows your every move and if your out of view he starts crying.
• He likes his new jumper, but after awhile gets upset in it. I think it's mostly because he gets bored of where he is out, notices there are other toys around it, but gets frustrated because he can't figure out how to get to it.

Personality:

• This kid is seriously going to keep our life interesting! He is the funniest kid and has the biggest attitude already. When he drinks his bottle he always folds his hands and places them on his chest. He is SO proper! It's like he is sitting politely (even though he is normally not too polite or patient) waiting for his supper. Well recently, he has started to hold onto the bottle. He wants to be a big kid so bad. He puts both his hands around the bottle and kind of pushes my hands out of the way like "Mom, I've got this." When that happens he stops drinking all together and just plays with the nipple. Half the time I let that go because I want him to figure out independence. Other times, I tell him it's my turn. At that point, I have to hold the bottle with one hand and hold down his hands with the other. It's quite an obstacle at times.
• He is 100% boy. He loves to be rough and tough with Daddy. Grant has recently discovered that Hutson LOVES to messed around with. Grant will grab his legs while he's on his back and turn him over facing the bed, quickly turn him back facing him, turn the other way facing the bed, and back to facing him again. Hutson laughs and smiles the entire time! He loves his Daddy because he is much more playful than me. Grant loves this stage. He admitted to me that he is much more excited for this stage because he is more responsive/interactive. Before Hutson just ate, peed, pooped, slept, and sat there. Now Grant loves to talk and play with him.
• He is unbelievably happy! The last couple of nights I have put him to bed, laid myself in bed and just ponder at how incredibly blessed I am to be his mom. We had some rough patches when he was two months old, but man he is the greatest kid (Yes, I know you all say the same thing. It's okay - I won't argue with you because I understand it comes with the territory). He loves me unconditionally. When days have been difficult at work or I have a negative thought all I need to do is look at that boy. My whole attitude changes. He lights up when he sees me. Especially when I have been at work all day. His dimpled smile melts my heart! He is very much an old soul kind of guy. When people see him they don't get much out of him, but it's because he soaks everything in. He reads people and environments. He takes everything in. When he gets comfortable you better watch out because your heart will melt just as much as mine has.

A mothers job is never done

Boy has it been a day. I feel the need to document this so one day I can laugh at what I went through...

Last week Hutson was much more crankier than normal. Monday and Tuesday were rough days. He had this cough, but we didn't think much of it. Wednesday it was much worse so I had Grant call the doctor. He just did not seem like himself. They gave us an appointment for that evening. It was the one night that our pediatrician works late nights. (Blessing number 1) I had gotten off work at 5 and his appointment was at 5:40 so I had literally been going all day with that alone. Poor Hutson was diagnosed with RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus). Dr. Dollins told us that sadly there wasn't much we could do for it except to wait for it to go away. That's the joy of a virus! She had us focus on his breathing and wheezing. If he were to wheeze or breathe hard for a consistent 30 minutes then to have us bring him back into the doctor. This nasty thing could last up to a month long. She sent us home with the request to keep the humidifier on at night, keep him elevated, and to try whatever you could to make him more comfortable.

We left the doctor, got groceries because we were on the verge of absolutely bare cabinets, got Grant some dinner and headed home. We were supposed to hang out with our friends Kayla and Ethan that night, but decided that might not be a good idea. In the drive thru getting Grant's dinner I had a complete meltdown. My poor little baby was so sick. I could hear him in the back seat just coughing and moaning because it hurt to cough. For the first time in these last three months I realized what it was like to be a mom with the sacrifice and pain you go through. I would do anything to take this sickness from him and have it ten-fold myself. My first thought was to have Grant utilize his Priesthood and give Hutson a blessing. I texted Kayla and they headed over to help give Hutson a blessing of healing (For those of you not familiar with blessings or much of our LDS faith, we believe that the worthy men of our church are given the opportunity to bless those in need. This blessing in particular is meant to heal the sick. It is amazing the power given to these men through our Heavenly Father. I have seen these blessings heal people when there was no medical way possible). 

Thursday I only worked a half day so I could get enough work done for Monday. I had already taken off Friday because Grant had drill Friday-Sunday. Thankfully my mom came over Thursday night-Saturday afternoon to help while Grant was gone. Friday the wheezing got really bad. I called the doctors office and sure enough they wanted us to come back in. We made an appointment for that afternoon. They tested his oxygen level. It was at 98% so they were not too worried. They tried a breathing treatment on him. Dr. Dollins said that most the time it doesn't do anything for babies, but it was worth a try. She listened to him breathe, we gave him the breathing treatment, and she came in to listen to his breathing again. She was impressed with the difference. We were sent home with a nebulizer machine and medication for it. We were told only ever 4 hours for the constant wheezing. If he was still wheezing then to try it with saline solution instead. Grant ended up coming home that evening (Blessing number 100). Saturday we got out of the house. We went to the SPCA to look at their dogs, got some lunch, had a picnic at the park, and relaxed at home. That evening his wheezing got much worse. We called the on-call nurse and they sent us to the Children's Hospital which is thankfully only ten minutes away from us. They tested his oxygen level again. It was constantly between 97-100%. The doctor came in and said that he didn't see any sign of pneumonia and sent us home. He told us only to worry if his breathing was about 70+ breaths/minute. It was the most refreshing thing to be sent home from the hospital with a sick baby (Blessing number 116).

Today we skipped church seeing as it was probably not smart to be around so many people with his low immune system. We went over to my in-laws and relaxed for the day. I made biscuits and bacon for breakfast, was able to take two quick naps thanks to a sleeping baby, and entertained myself on my Kindle (all things I really haven't been able to do since having this handsome boy). We decided around 4pm it was time to go home seeing as I had about four loads of laundry I needed to do before work tomorrow (towels, whites, Hutson's clothes, and the load of darks I had started Thursday night).

This is what I hope to one day laugh about....

We came home, and I immediately started folding a load of whites I had done earlier in the week. By that time the oven had already preheated. I put the pork chops in the pan, seasoned them, washed the sweet potato for me and the regular potato for Grant, put that in the microwave to cook and the pork in the oven. I went back to the couch to finish folding the clothes. By the time I was done folding, I had switched the laundry over, taken dinner out, cut the cucumbers and tomatoes, washed the salad, got both our plates ready and we sat down to eat. Of course the moment I sit down to eat, Hutson wants to either cuddle or eat himself. This time he wanted the first of the two. I hurried to scarf my food down so I could cuddle him with as little tears coming down his face. He decided it was time to take a nap. In the mean time I'm thinking, "I really hope I can get all the laundry done tonight...I need to put all the leftover dinner away and ready for my lunch tomorrow...I really hope tomorrow at work goes by fast....I hope Grant doesn't have a stressful day with Hutson...I wonder how my niece and nephew are doing today...Man I need to paint my toes again..." Seriously this and more were running through my mind as I'm keeping up on my latest Facebook and Instagram. Hutson wakes up from his nap, I hand him off to Grant so I can get bath time ready. Grant was going to take a bath with him in our soaker tub. I start the warm water, bring Hutson in my room, put Baby Einstein on my phone because he loves listening to the music. In the mean time Grant comes in and puts bubbles in the bath tub. I freak out because its not sensitive for Huton's baby skin. I empty the tub, start to put more water in, but no......no more hot water. Our light was out on the hot water heather. Grant tries to fix it. In the mean time I am putting important things on our new calendar while singing songs and laughing and talking with Hutson. We warm up just enough water to full just enough of the tub to give Hutson a bath. Quickly we give him a bath and start our bedtime routine after bath time. I give him a massage while Grant puts his hair up in his famous faux hawk and warms up his bottle. Oh man, I need to make sure that Hutson has his baby Tylenol before he eats (By the way, I am very against medicating my baby, but I feel like if he gets enough sleep at night he will get better that much sooner). Oh man, I need to put the blanket on the ground so as soon as I'm done feeding him I can wrap him up. Hutson has his pajamas on and he's in my arms feeding. I look around and gosh darn it I never filled up his humidifier. I'm also thinking "Man, I really hope that the towels actually dried this time...I hope Hutson eats enough so that he can sleep through the night. I really want some ice cream." Hutson finishes up eating, and I put him on my shoulder to burp.

This is my absolute favorite part...he cuddles up on my shoulder. He takes a deep sigh, and I can tell that he has relaxed and completely asleep. Then it all comes to me. I was made for this. I was made to have a thousand things go through my mind, stress out about all that needs to be done, but at the end of the day I was made to be his mom. I still cannot understand the immense feeling of love I have for Hutson, but I know that it is there and I wouldn't change it for the world. Today marks three months and I am so incredibly grateful for every single good and bad thing that has happened with this baby boy. I am grateful for his laugh that seriously makes me melt. His giggle and his voice when he tries to talk to me. I adore this handsome boy and wouldn't change my life one bit.

Lessons learned

My first day back to work I came in and within five minutes found out that three of my coworkers were pregnant. Their personal life is none of anyone's business, but each of them have taught me different lessons in the last couple weeks that have made me a better mother, and I'm sure can help others.

Mommy-to-be #1: She and her husband got pregnant last September/October. Unfortunately, she lost it. It was something so hard to watch because I knew how much she wanted to be a mom. When I found out she was pregnant again, I seriously was so excited for her! She is the sweetest girl I have met in a long time. I adore her. This time around she didn't want to get excited. She didn't want to get her hopes crushed again. I understood where she was coming from. Although I did not have a miscarriage, I remember not allowing myself to get excited because anything could happen. She is approximately 9ish weeks now and so far so good; "Peanut" has a strong heartbeat!

Mommy-to-be #2: She is my boss and from the time I met her almost two years ago, I knew how all she wanted was to be a mom. She was so baby hungry, although at the time she was waiting for her boyfriend to propose. We joked when I got pregnant that she was living vicariously through me. She got married in October, and it was known to all that as of that night they were going to try to get that baby they dreamt of. After being disappointed that it didn't happen that month, I knew that it was in the works. Voila, it just took a couple more months than planned.

Mommy-to-be #3: She and her husband, both our age, were married the October after Grant and I were. She had talked many times about wanting to have a baby, but never felt like she was ready for it. There seemed to be a reason each time they got closer to wanting that baby. Literally the week or so before she got pregnant she had sat down with her husband and decided they would wait until summer time to start trying. Surprise, surprise! Two weeks ago when she went to the doctor she was measuring smaller than she had anticipated being. There were other complications and a week later she found out she had lost the baby.

Now for the lessons I have learned from these wonderful ladies....

Lesson #1: Mommy-to-be #1 and I have very similar characteristics. We both are very religious. We both have difficulty being friends with females. When she lost the first baby, I remember feeling so much pain for her. She had such a great front on her. I was proud that she was able to stay in reality and continue on. With this pregnancy, she had told coworkers but had waited to tell family. I have watched her go from no excitement and much anticipation to slightly being excited (and I'm sure it will only get better). I don't know if she has realized that her attitude about this pregnancy has changed in the last week or so, but watching her has brought so much joy to each day. She asks me questions every day about pregnancy. I am able to share stories with her. From her I have learned that you have to take things day by day and find joy in the journey. She is starting to get excited of the weekly comparisons to fruit and veggies. She is staring to get anxious to feel the baby move. I just adore the joy I see on her face.

Lesson #2: Mommy-to-be #2 had mentioned before that even though she wanted babies so bad, she was such a workaholic that she would most definitely go back to work after having her babies. Recently, we were talking and she admitted that at lunch she was alone and starting thinking about having this baby. She told me that for the first time she had this desire to stay at home with her babies. I have learned from her that our whole life we have this plan of how things are going to go. We want them to go as planned, and we want it to go perfectly. Then events in our life change that plan and we restructure what we want. We have to be flexible with our desires and dreams.

Lesson #3: After texting with Mommy-to-be #3 about how she was doing this past week, it was mentioned that she didn't realize how much she wanted to have a baby until she got pregnant and then lost it. I can only imagine the surprise of getting pregnant (Grant and I were trying so we anticipated it happening), starting to allow yourself to get excited, and then find out that the baby wasn't well enough to grow completely. I never realized how much I wanted a baby until having one. Yes, I always dreamt of having babies. That was all I wanted my whole life. Then I got pregnant, delivered Hutson, and realized that he fulfilled my dream of being a mom. Looking back at it, I knew that no matter when I would have babies I would never be ready. I would never have enough money. I would never have enough time. We are only 11 weeks into being parents, but I have learned that it all works out and all the sacrifices you make are worth it.

My favorite time of the day is bedtime. Not necessarily because I am putting him down to bed and can finally relax for the day, but because it is our time. We have our routine. The light in his room is off and the light in the bathroom brightens up the room just enough. He lays on the changing table. I change his diaper, put his pajamas on him. Sit in the glider, feed him, and rock him to sleep. Recently he has started smiling and talking. I'm not talking about smiles here and there. I'm meaning full on HUGE smiles that absolutely melt my heart. When I feed him, he forgets that he is eating and just smiles at me. It's amazing how much joy comes from a simple smile of your son. I love these nights because it is just us. After eating he will cuddle on my shoulder. He moves his head around until it is tucked under my chin. I can feel his whole body just relax. When I have spent enough time cuddling him, I put him in his elephant snuggle wrap and lay him in bed. He normally will wake up once I put him in bed, and thankfully puts himself back to sleep within the next ten minutes or so.



I am lucky to have had no complications with my pregnancy. I am lucky that it only took us one try to get pregnant. I am lucky to be able to make things work when I am not financially ready to have a family. I am lucky to have a baby boy that absolutely melts my heart. I am lucky, and I wish to never take advantage of that.

Tender mercies

When we got pregnant we knew up front that once Hutson was older I would be going back to work. Although this is not what we wanted we knew it was what we had to do while Grant finished school. In a perfect world, I would be able to be a stay-at-home mom from the get go, but sometimes life doesn't always start off the way you want it to. Right now I get to be the bread winner, and my handsome husband gets to focus on school and taking care of our family so one day I can have that dream. Many people questioned if I wanted a baby so bad why I wouldn't wait until I could fully appreciate it. Why would I have a baby if I had to go right back to work and miss seeing my son for most of the day? Wouldn't I miss most of his life because I spent most my time away from him? Yes, these are all questions that I hear on a daily basis, and I will be honest that it sucks to think about each one of them.

Today was my first day back at work. I am only working part-time this week and transitioning into full time starting February. Ladies at work asked me all day how it felt to be back at work. I kept reassuring myself that it felt great. It was nice to get a break away from being needed to feed, change, or babble baby talk. Once four o'clock showed up on my computer, I was anxious to pack up my stuff and head back home to see my baby. I had no idea how much I missed him. Yes, I was only gone for four hours, but he already seemed so much bigger. I immediately took him to his room, laid him on his changing table, changed his diaper, and starting talking to him. It was definitely more for me, but I told him how mommy was working for him. Mommy was going to be gone most of the week so he could be taken care of. I never realized until now that life officially stopped being for just me and for someone so much more important than myself. Yes it is hard, but I know that it will be worth it. I know that Hutson will be taken care of by his wonderful daddy and his amazing Gigi, who loves him more than anything.

Grant and I went to the temple this last Saturday to do temple work for my great-uncle. It was a great experience being able to seal someone to their parents (For those of you not familiar with the LDS temples and what we do there, please visit http://mormon.org/faq/use-of-temples). The tears of joy on my great-cousins face that rolled down reminded me just how special life is and how easily it can be taken advantage of. Every time I go to the temple I pray that I will feel the spirit and will learn something new. Every time I go, I feel the spirit, but I don't seem to walk away with this "Ah, ha!" moment. This time was different. I was reminded why I am doing what I am doing - why I had Hutson when I did even though I knew I had to go back to work. Heavenly Father commanded us to get married and to start a family. He promised that it wouldn't be easy, but with His help it would be taken care of. The pains and sorrows we felt would be lifted. I know that I will good days and I will have bad days. Yes today was only day one, but I sure has heck hope that on those bad days I can remember that with the help of my Heavenly Father and the comfort of my Savior I can overcome it.

When I came home from work today and took care of Hutson, I laid down on the couch with him in my arms cuddled up. He slept for a good two hours in my arms. Normally, I would get fidgety and put him in his swing or boppy pillow. This time I enjoyed the moment. Looking at his sweet face made everything worth it. When he woke up, I put him in his boppy pillow. He heard me talking to Grant and instantly turned his head and stared me down. He wouldn't turn away. He was keeping his eye on his momma. It was this moment that I decided that I was going to start writing down tender mercies I had each week with my handsome little guy. I know that one day I will need a pick-me-up reminder. I hope to collect each tender mercy and put them in a book with his pictures. This will be my first birthday gift to myself.

So today, I am grateful for those two dark eyes that for the first time stayed awake from his six o'clock feeding to his nine o'clock bedtime (He normally takes a short nap). He laid against my legs and just wanted to talk to me. I gave him kisses on each of his cheeks while he was on his changing table getting ready for bed. Each time I would kiss his cheek his mouth would open up like he was giving me kisses back. He had a smile appear every once in awhile. These are the moments I remind myself why I am a mom (even if I have to be a working mom).

Hutson's Birth Story

Please enjoy how this handsome little guy came into the world! (Beware of graphic detail, it's for my remembrance.)

On November 21, I went into the doctor's office for my last check up. I already had been diagnosed with pre-hypertension so they were keeping an eye on my blood pressure in the office. Again, I came in and it was super high. Dr. Robert had me to do (yet again!) another 24-hour urine collection. That next morning she wanted me to drop it off at the hospital we were delivering at and do another blood sample as well. If they found more protein, they would go ahead and induce me that next day. We followed her directions. Now let me be honest. I never believed that I had pre-hypertension. I would go to my diabetic doctor the same day as my OBGYN and never have blood pressure anywhere close to where I was measuring at the OBGYN, but I thought I better listen to the baby doctor first.

I told Dr. Robert that I did NOT want to have this baby on November 22! That was my dad's birthday and something about sharing birthdays did not sound appealing for me. She reassured me that even if I had to be induced that next day that labor would last at least 24 hours, which would put me into the evening of the 23rd. The morning of the 22nd we dropped off my urine, registered (AGAIN) at the hospital, had my blood drawn all before 11. My OBGYN office closes at 2:30 on Fridays so I wanted to make sure they had my results before they left for the weekend. Grant and I were hungry and we couldn't decide what we wanted so we comprised with going to different locations. I wanted a BLT from Jimmy Johns, he wanted Taco Bell, and we both wanted cherry limeades from Sonic. It was quite a lunch. Around 2 pm, I decided to call the nurse and see if they had my results yet. The nurse said she hadn't, but would call me when they did so Grant and I laid down for a nap. That didn't last long...around 2:50 the nurse called and said "Pack your bags and come on in. We are getting that baby out of you!" Immediately, Grant and I started frantically collecting things together. We hadn't planned on being induced til the 26th so most my laundry was either in the washer or dyer. I had Grant call my mom and tell her what was going on and have her come this way. Everything sit in as I was taking stuff out of the dryer. I collapsed and started bawling. Grant didn't know what to do. He was so sweet! He helped me up and asked if we could say a prayer together. Gosh, he is such a great man. He prayed that we would have a safe delivery and that I would be calm throughout it....much to our surprise how that prayer was answered.

Grant and I packed up everything we could think of, put Bauer in his cage, and headed to the hospital. I thought I was fine til my sister texted me telling me how proud of me she was. It meant so much to me. I started bawling AGAIN. We made it to the hospital and into our room. The nurse had me put the lovely gown on and sit in bed and relax for a little bit. The next little bit I don't quite remember. I remember the nurse telling me they were going to put medicine in my cervix in hopes that it would thin it out. It takes approximately twelve hours to even start labor. The plan was to put it in around 5 pm, check me at 5 am the next morning, put me on Pitocin, and see where my labor went from there. Well much my surprise, this baby had his own plan!

She put the medicine in me at 5 pm and around 6:30/7ish my contractions started. By that time my parents showed up at the hospital. My mom looks for excuses to make fun of me for being a hypochondriac so I tried to keep it cool about the contractions. Finally, I couldn't fake it anymore. They were started to be painful enough I had to breathe through them. The medicine that takes 12 hours to even start labor had put me in full blown labor in only two hours. The nurse asked me around 8 pm if I wanted an Ambien pill so I could get some rest for the next day. Around 11 pm I finally agreed to get some because the contractions were worse, and I thought if I could sleep through it I could bare the pain. Boy did that medicine kick in fast! Poor Grant was passed out cold on the couch, and when the contractions hit full force he woke up, stood by my side, and never left it. I appreciate him more than words can describe. He went through more of this labor that I did. The rest of labor is only a blur for me. Around midnight I guess the contractions were bad enough I asked for the epidural. I remember it hurting, and I barely remember sitting up for the epidural.

Next thing I remember is hearing Grant say, "Babe, it's time to push." While I was asleep they had given me magnesium to help with the high blood pressure. It was making me sick, and I remember throwing up a couple times. It was around 5 am on November 23rd, when they measured me and found me ready to push the baby out. They were so amazed! I originally was going to have Dr. Robert deliver this baby, but Dr. Derrick was on call. She was even surprised to be called that early in the morning. She wasn't anticipating it til that next afternoon. Grant called my mom and had her rush to the hospital. My parents were staying at my house so they were much closer to me. Around 5:20 am I started pushing and at 5:47 am my beautiful baby boy entered this world. Pushing was so difficult for me. Not only did I have an epidural which makes it hard to push anyways, but I was heavily medicated on sleeping medicine. I don't remember the pain, and boy did time go by fast. Grant and my mom kept having to wake me up. They want you to push three times per contraction, but during my second push I kept falling asleep. Grant was starting to get upset with me, but dang it I couldn't help it!

Hutson James Joyner was born November 23, 2013 at 5:47 am. He weighed 5 pounds 15 ounces and measured 19 inches long. I remember them putting him on my chest when he was born, putting him on the cart to clean him up, and whipping him away because his APGAR score was too low. They took him to the nursery, cleaned him up and I want to say that an hour or so later they brought him back into my room. My first sight was Grant sitting in the rocking chair feeding him. It is a sight I will not forget - such a precious moment! The next couple hours I don't remember at all. I know that Grants parents, my parents, Grandpa Dungan, and Iris came to see us (well mostly just Hutson). I was in and out of sleeping for the next few hours. They had to keep me in the labor and delivery room for observing because they have to watch you for twelve hours after they give you the magnesium. Dr. Derrick allowed me to get off the magnesium much quicker than planned which allowed me to get up and walk to the bathroom. I know that labor and delivery is work, but gosh the recovery when you are that medicated is rough!

We were transferred to our postpartum room in the evening. Aunt Becky and Eric came to visit with Sheila, but left to let us rest. Kayla and Ethan came a couple hours later to see us and brought us a cute outfit for him. Grant's friend from the National Guard also came to see us. He had never held a newborn before. He was in heaven. They eventually left us alone for the evening. Grant had to watch the Texas A&M game with Hutson (They lost). We decided to send Hutson to the nursery for the night so we could get some sleep. That next morning we were discharged around 3 pm, and sent on our merry way home as a family of three.

Looking back at the first couple days he was born, I am beyond grateful for my family and the love and sacrifice they showed towards our new family. My mom was there for moral support (and comic relief). Sheila was there whenever Grant needed a meal. She went to Target and bought us numerous things we still needed. My sister who was on baby duty the first night home because she knew I needed some sleep (although I was so worried about my newborn I stayed up with her). Most importantly, my handsome husband. He took care of me my entire pregnancy. Allowed me to be cranky, moody, and emotional. Took me to get whatever I was craving no matter the time. Went with me to every single doctor's appointment. He took care of Hutson the entire time we were in the hospital because I was so out of it. It has been a joy watching our relationship change from us to a family of three. I wouldn't have it any other way!

When two become three

Considering Grant and I are 10 weeks pregnant, we thought it was time to start up our blog. Who knows who will read it, but at least it will someday be a memory of what we went through (hopefully many laughs later).

Grant and I found out April 9, 2013 that we were having a baby. I hadn't been feeling well. My stomach was cramping. I was tired all the time. I was eating much more than normal. I didn't think anything of it, but I told Grant I would wait a couple more days then take a test. We had bought some pregnany tests months before just in case. So that Tuesday night I went to take a shower and took a test without Grant knowing. I peed on the stick and VIOLA it was immediately pregnant. There was no waiting two minutes just in case. It was clear as day. I went to show Grant and of course he had to run to CVS to get the most expensive test to double check. Yup, I was surely pregnant.

To be honest, I wasn't going to allow myself to get excited. I have known way too many friends who recently had miscarriages, and my mom had a miscarriage. My whole life I wanted to be a mom. It was something I dreamt of. I knew I was on this earth to be a mom. I didn't want to get excited about something and have it ripped away from me. I never told anyone this because I was scared. Grant was so incredibly thrilled that I dare not mention anything to him. I didn't want to ruin his excitement.

We went ahead and scheduled our first appt with the nurse. We were thoroughly impressed with the office. The nurse was phenomenal. She answered all our questions. She was supportive with every decision we wanted for our pregnany and our baby. It was very comforting. Half way through the appointment Grant asks, "So we are pregnant, right?" She laughed and said, "Oh yes, don't you worry. It showed up real fast." We were relieved even though were were only at 5 weeks.

At 8 weeks we had our first real appointment. Again, I was very impressed with the doctor. We see every doctor and then whichever is on call when I go into labor is who delivers me. Considering I have juvenile diabetes, I am a high-risk pregnancy. They ensured me we would have no problems and would have a healthy baby. I might possibly have a smaller baby, and they will induce me at least a week early. I had a lovely ultrasound (I will spare you the details). It is the only way to correctly measure the baby and such a small size. I'll be honest here. As soon as I saw that baby moving and the heart beating, I believed. The hope inside me came true. I had a couple tears come out, but thankfully I was able to mask it from Grant and the Dr. Yes, anything can happen in the next couple of weeks, but I have that hope now that our baby will be perfectly fine. I know he/she will be healthy, and I know everything will be joyful.