Boy has it been a day. I feel the need to document this so one day I can laugh at what I went through...
Last week Hutson was much more crankier than normal. Monday and Tuesday were rough days. He had this cough, but we didn't think much of it. Wednesday it was much worse so I had Grant call the doctor. He just did not seem like himself. They gave us an appointment for that evening. It was the one night that our pediatrician works late nights. (Blessing number 1) I had gotten off work at 5 and his appointment was at 5:40 so I had literally been going all day with that alone. Poor Hutson was diagnosed with RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus). Dr. Dollins told us that sadly there wasn't much we could do for it except to wait for it to go away. That's the joy of a virus! She had us focus on his breathing and wheezing. If he were to wheeze or breathe hard for a consistent 30 minutes then to have us bring him back into the doctor. This nasty thing could last up to a month long. She sent us home with the request to keep the humidifier on at night, keep him elevated, and to try whatever you could to make him more comfortable.
We left the doctor, got groceries because we were on the verge of absolutely bare cabinets, got Grant some dinner and headed home. We were supposed to hang out with our friends Kayla and Ethan that night, but decided that might not be a good idea. In the drive thru getting Grant's dinner I had a complete meltdown. My poor little baby was so sick. I could hear him in the back seat just coughing and moaning because it hurt to cough. For the first time in these last three months I realized what it was like to be a mom with the sacrifice and pain you go through. I would do anything to take this sickness from him and have it ten-fold myself. My first thought was to have Grant utilize his Priesthood and give Hutson a blessing. I texted Kayla and they headed over to help give Hutson a blessing of healing (For those of you not familiar with blessings or much of our LDS faith, we believe that the worthy men of our church are given the opportunity to bless those in need. This blessing in particular is meant to heal the sick. It is amazing the power given to these men through our Heavenly Father. I have seen these blessings heal people when there was no medical way possible).
Thursday I only worked a half day so I could get enough work done for Monday. I had already taken off Friday because Grant had drill Friday-Sunday. Thankfully my mom came over Thursday night-Saturday afternoon to help while Grant was gone. Friday the wheezing got really bad. I called the doctors office and sure enough they wanted us to come back in. We made an appointment for that afternoon. They tested his oxygen level. It was at 98% so they were not too worried. They tried a breathing treatment on him. Dr. Dollins said that most the time it doesn't do anything for babies, but it was worth a try. She listened to him breathe, we gave him the breathing treatment, and she came in to listen to his breathing again. She was impressed with the difference. We were sent home with a nebulizer machine and medication for it. We were told only ever 4 hours for the constant wheezing. If he was still wheezing then to try it with saline solution instead. Grant ended up coming home that evening (Blessing number 100). Saturday we got out of the house. We went to the SPCA to look at their dogs, got some lunch, had a picnic at the park, and relaxed at home. That evening his wheezing got much worse. We called the on-call nurse and they sent us to the Children's Hospital which is thankfully only ten minutes away from us. They tested his oxygen level again. It was constantly between 97-100%. The doctor came in and said that he didn't see any sign of pneumonia and sent us home. He told us only to worry if his breathing was about 70+ breaths/minute. It was the most refreshing thing to be sent home from the hospital with a sick baby (Blessing number 116).
Today we skipped church seeing as it was probably not smart to be around so many people with his low immune system. We went over to my in-laws and relaxed for the day. I made biscuits and bacon for breakfast, was able to take two quick naps thanks to a sleeping baby, and entertained myself on my Kindle (all things I really haven't been able to do since having this handsome boy). We decided around 4pm it was time to go home seeing as I had about four loads of laundry I needed to do before work tomorrow (towels, whites, Hutson's clothes, and the load of darks I had started Thursday night).
This is what I hope to one day laugh about....
We came home, and I immediately started folding a load of whites I had done earlier in the week. By that time the oven had already preheated. I put the pork chops in the pan, seasoned them, washed the sweet potato for me and the regular potato for Grant, put that in the microwave to cook and the pork in the oven. I went back to the couch to finish folding the clothes. By the time I was done folding, I had switched the laundry over, taken dinner out, cut the cucumbers and tomatoes, washed the salad, got both our plates ready and we sat down to eat. Of course the moment I sit down to eat, Hutson wants to either cuddle or eat himself. This time he wanted the first of the two. I hurried to scarf my food down so I could cuddle him with as little tears coming down his face. He decided it was time to take a nap. In the mean time I'm thinking, "I really hope I can get all the laundry done tonight...I need to put all the leftover dinner away and ready for my lunch tomorrow...I really hope tomorrow at work goes by fast....I hope Grant doesn't have a stressful day with Hutson...I wonder how my niece and nephew are doing today...Man I need to paint my toes again..." Seriously this and more were running through my mind as I'm keeping up on my latest Facebook and Instagram. Hutson wakes up from his nap, I hand him off to Grant so I can get bath time ready. Grant was going to take a bath with him in our soaker tub. I start the warm water, bring Hutson in my room, put Baby Einstein on my phone because he loves listening to the music. In the mean time Grant comes in and puts bubbles in the bath tub. I freak out because its not sensitive for Huton's baby skin. I empty the tub, start to put more water in, but no......no more hot water. Our light was out on the hot water heather. Grant tries to fix it. In the mean time I am putting important things on our new calendar while singing songs and laughing and talking with Hutson. We warm up just enough water to full just enough of the tub to give Hutson a bath. Quickly we give him a bath and start our bedtime routine after bath time. I give him a massage while Grant puts his hair up in his famous faux hawk and warms up his bottle. Oh man, I need to make sure that Hutson has his baby Tylenol before he eats (By the way, I am very against medicating my baby, but I feel like if he gets enough sleep at night he will get better that much sooner). Oh man, I need to put the blanket on the ground so as soon as I'm done feeding him I can wrap him up. Hutson has his pajamas on and he's in my arms feeding. I look around and gosh darn it I never filled up his humidifier. I'm also thinking "Man, I really hope that the towels actually dried this time...I hope Hutson eats enough so that he can sleep through the night. I really want some ice cream." Hutson finishes up eating, and I put him on my shoulder to burp.
This is my absolute favorite part...he cuddles up on my shoulder. He takes a deep sigh, and I can tell that he has relaxed and completely asleep. Then it all comes to me. I was made for this. I was made to have a thousand things go through my mind, stress out about all that needs to be done, but at the end of the day I was made to be his mom. I still cannot understand the immense feeling of love I have for Hutson, but I know that it is there and I wouldn't change it for the world. Today marks three months and I am so incredibly grateful for every single good and bad thing that has happened with this baby boy. I am grateful for his laugh that seriously makes me melt. His giggle and his voice when he tries to talk to me. I adore this handsome boy and wouldn't change my life one bit.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Friday, February 7, 2014
Lessons learned
My first day back to work I came in and within five minutes found out that three of my coworkers were pregnant. Their personal life is none of anyone's business, but each of them have taught me different lessons in the last couple weeks that have made me a better mother, and I'm sure can help others.
Mommy-to-be #1: She and her husband got pregnant last September/October. Unfortunately, she lost it. It was something so hard to watch because I knew how much she wanted to be a mom. When I found out she was pregnant again, I seriously was so excited for her! She is the sweetest girl I have met in a long time. I adore her. This time around she didn't want to get excited. She didn't want to get her hopes crushed again. I understood where she was coming from. Although I did not have a miscarriage, I remember not allowing myself to get excited because anything could happen. She is approximately 9ish weeks now and so far so good; "Peanut" has a strong heartbeat!
Mommy-to-be #2: She is my boss and from the time I met her almost two years ago, I knew how all she wanted was to be a mom. She was so baby hungry, although at the time she was waiting for her boyfriend to propose. We joked when I got pregnant that she was living vicariously through me. She got married in October, and it was known to all that as of that night they were going to try to get that baby they dreamt of. After being disappointed that it didn't happen that month, I knew that it was in the works. Voila, it just took a couple more months than planned.
Mommy-to-be #3: She and her husband, both our age, were married the October after Grant and I were. She had talked many times about wanting to have a baby, but never felt like she was ready for it. There seemed to be a reason each time they got closer to wanting that baby. Literally the week or so before she got pregnant she had sat down with her husband and decided they would wait until summer time to start trying. Surprise, surprise! Two weeks ago when she went to the doctor she was measuring smaller than she had anticipated being. There were other complications and a week later she found out she had lost the baby.
Now for the lessons I have learned from these wonderful ladies....
Lesson #1: Mommy-to-be #1 and I have very similar characteristics. We both are very religious. We both have difficulty being friends with females. When she lost the first baby, I remember feeling so much pain for her. She had such a great front on her. I was proud that she was able to stay in reality and continue on. With this pregnancy, she had told coworkers but had waited to tell family. I have watched her go from no excitement and much anticipation to slightly being excited (and I'm sure it will only get better). I don't know if she has realized that her attitude about this pregnancy has changed in the last week or so, but watching her has brought so much joy to each day. She asks me questions every day about pregnancy. I am able to share stories with her. From her I have learned that you have to take things day by day and find joy in the journey. She is starting to get excited of the weekly comparisons to fruit and veggies. She is staring to get anxious to feel the baby move. I just adore the joy I see on her face.
Lesson #2: Mommy-to-be #2 had mentioned before that even though she wanted babies so bad, she was such a workaholic that she would most definitely go back to work after having her babies. Recently, we were talking and she admitted that at lunch she was alone and starting thinking about having this baby. She told me that for the first time she had this desire to stay at home with her babies. I have learned from her that our whole life we have this plan of how things are going to go. We want them to go as planned, and we want it to go perfectly. Then events in our life change that plan and we restructure what we want. We have to be flexible with our desires and dreams.
Lesson #3: After texting with Mommy-to-be #3 about how she was doing this past week, it was mentioned that she didn't realize how much she wanted to have a baby until she got pregnant and then lost it. I can only imagine the surprise of getting pregnant (Grant and I were trying so we anticipated it happening), starting to allow yourself to get excited, and then find out that the baby wasn't well enough to grow completely. I never realized how much I wanted a baby until having one. Yes, I always dreamt of having babies. That was all I wanted my whole life. Then I got pregnant, delivered Hutson, and realized that he fulfilled my dream of being a mom. Looking back at it, I knew that no matter when I would have babies I would never be ready. I would never have enough money. I would never have enough time. We are only 11 weeks into being parents, but I have learned that it all works out and all the sacrifices you make are worth it.
My favorite time of the day is bedtime. Not necessarily because I am putting him down to bed and can finally relax for the day, but because it is our time. We have our routine. The light in his room is off and the light in the bathroom brightens up the room just enough. He lays on the changing table. I change his diaper, put his pajamas on him. Sit in the glider, feed him, and rock him to sleep. Recently he has started smiling and talking. I'm not talking about smiles here and there. I'm meaning full on HUGE smiles that absolutely melt my heart. When I feed him, he forgets that he is eating and just smiles at me. It's amazing how much joy comes from a simple smile of your son. I love these nights because it is just us. After eating he will cuddle on my shoulder. He moves his head around until it is tucked under my chin. I can feel his whole body just relax. When I have spent enough time cuddling him, I put him in his elephant snuggle wrap and lay him in bed. He normally will wake up once I put him in bed, and thankfully puts himself back to sleep within the next ten minutes or so.
I am lucky to have had no complications with my pregnancy. I am lucky that it only took us one try to get pregnant. I am lucky to be able to make things work when I am not financially ready to have a family. I am lucky to have a baby boy that absolutely melts my heart. I am lucky, and I wish to never take advantage of that.
Mommy-to-be #1: She and her husband got pregnant last September/October. Unfortunately, she lost it. It was something so hard to watch because I knew how much she wanted to be a mom. When I found out she was pregnant again, I seriously was so excited for her! She is the sweetest girl I have met in a long time. I adore her. This time around she didn't want to get excited. She didn't want to get her hopes crushed again. I understood where she was coming from. Although I did not have a miscarriage, I remember not allowing myself to get excited because anything could happen. She is approximately 9ish weeks now and so far so good; "Peanut" has a strong heartbeat!
Mommy-to-be #2: She is my boss and from the time I met her almost two years ago, I knew how all she wanted was to be a mom. She was so baby hungry, although at the time she was waiting for her boyfriend to propose. We joked when I got pregnant that she was living vicariously through me. She got married in October, and it was known to all that as of that night they were going to try to get that baby they dreamt of. After being disappointed that it didn't happen that month, I knew that it was in the works. Voila, it just took a couple more months than planned.
Mommy-to-be #3: She and her husband, both our age, were married the October after Grant and I were. She had talked many times about wanting to have a baby, but never felt like she was ready for it. There seemed to be a reason each time they got closer to wanting that baby. Literally the week or so before she got pregnant she had sat down with her husband and decided they would wait until summer time to start trying. Surprise, surprise! Two weeks ago when she went to the doctor she was measuring smaller than she had anticipated being. There were other complications and a week later she found out she had lost the baby.
Now for the lessons I have learned from these wonderful ladies....
Lesson #1: Mommy-to-be #1 and I have very similar characteristics. We both are very religious. We both have difficulty being friends with females. When she lost the first baby, I remember feeling so much pain for her. She had such a great front on her. I was proud that she was able to stay in reality and continue on. With this pregnancy, she had told coworkers but had waited to tell family. I have watched her go from no excitement and much anticipation to slightly being excited (and I'm sure it will only get better). I don't know if she has realized that her attitude about this pregnancy has changed in the last week or so, but watching her has brought so much joy to each day. She asks me questions every day about pregnancy. I am able to share stories with her. From her I have learned that you have to take things day by day and find joy in the journey. She is starting to get excited of the weekly comparisons to fruit and veggies. She is staring to get anxious to feel the baby move. I just adore the joy I see on her face.
Lesson #2: Mommy-to-be #2 had mentioned before that even though she wanted babies so bad, she was such a workaholic that she would most definitely go back to work after having her babies. Recently, we were talking and she admitted that at lunch she was alone and starting thinking about having this baby. She told me that for the first time she had this desire to stay at home with her babies. I have learned from her that our whole life we have this plan of how things are going to go. We want them to go as planned, and we want it to go perfectly. Then events in our life change that plan and we restructure what we want. We have to be flexible with our desires and dreams.
Lesson #3: After texting with Mommy-to-be #3 about how she was doing this past week, it was mentioned that she didn't realize how much she wanted to have a baby until she got pregnant and then lost it. I can only imagine the surprise of getting pregnant (Grant and I were trying so we anticipated it happening), starting to allow yourself to get excited, and then find out that the baby wasn't well enough to grow completely. I never realized how much I wanted a baby until having one. Yes, I always dreamt of having babies. That was all I wanted my whole life. Then I got pregnant, delivered Hutson, and realized that he fulfilled my dream of being a mom. Looking back at it, I knew that no matter when I would have babies I would never be ready. I would never have enough money. I would never have enough time. We are only 11 weeks into being parents, but I have learned that it all works out and all the sacrifices you make are worth it.
My favorite time of the day is bedtime. Not necessarily because I am putting him down to bed and can finally relax for the day, but because it is our time. We have our routine. The light in his room is off and the light in the bathroom brightens up the room just enough. He lays on the changing table. I change his diaper, put his pajamas on him. Sit in the glider, feed him, and rock him to sleep. Recently he has started smiling and talking. I'm not talking about smiles here and there. I'm meaning full on HUGE smiles that absolutely melt my heart. When I feed him, he forgets that he is eating and just smiles at me. It's amazing how much joy comes from a simple smile of your son. I love these nights because it is just us. After eating he will cuddle on my shoulder. He moves his head around until it is tucked under my chin. I can feel his whole body just relax. When I have spent enough time cuddling him, I put him in his elephant snuggle wrap and lay him in bed. He normally will wake up once I put him in bed, and thankfully puts himself back to sleep within the next ten minutes or so.
I am lucky to have had no complications with my pregnancy. I am lucky that it only took us one try to get pregnant. I am lucky to be able to make things work when I am not financially ready to have a family. I am lucky to have a baby boy that absolutely melts my heart. I am lucky, and I wish to never take advantage of that.
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