I am a full time working mom. I wake up at 5:30 most mornings, get ready for the day, go to work 'til midafternoon and continue my role as a mom and wife. It is not easy. I don't have time for many things, one of those unfortunately is time for friendships. It is something that I have struggled with for a long time. When I am actually home from work, I choose to spend my time with my husband and my son. I am 100% okay with that. I am perfectly okay with staying at home with my family. I don't need to go out with girlfriends. I don't need to occupy myself with groups of moms with little ones. I don't need to meet up with friends. I am happy coming home to a toy-filled house to make dinner for my family and relax (ha! when do I ever relax) while watching One Tree Hill with Grant. I am okay with that!
I have recently learned a little bit about myself that has startled me...just a little bit. I am not really 100% "okay" with all that. I see so many friends online with all their girlfriends. I go to church and most moms all chitchat in the halls with their kiddos. I go to church and sit by myself because I am "okay" with that, but really I am not "okay" with that. I don't have a lot to relate to these woman. Most of these woman are almost or at their thirties. Their husbands have college degrees and good enough jobs that they get to stay home with their kiddos and not work. It's normal to not shower 'til noon. Most women take their kids to the park or pack a sack lunch to enjoy outside. Most get together with other moms and take day trips with their kiddos. I don't get that right now in my life, and although I am "okay" with that, I am not really "okay" with that. I would love to get together with other moms and talk about what is stressing me out in life, laugh at silly things my kids did, cry with them about worries we have....but I don't.
When other husbands were on church missions and in college, my husband was in the United States Army fighting for our country. When other husbands were interning at some corporate office, my husband was in Iraq hoping he would make it home. Yes, we are both 26. You would think that our lives would be on the mend of starting to all even out and calm down with the "standard" of what life would be like. I have been working to help with our family. Grant is starting a new job next week (Heavenly Father, you are so good to us!). Other factors have come into our lives to help us be where we are right now and for that, I am "okay" with being a stay at home while I watch other moms get to stay at home. I will get my time. I am "okay" with my family being my rock and sometimes slippery stone, but without my family I would not be who I am today. I know that even though I don't have what all those other moms have, I am important in this world but most importantly as a mom and wife. As a working mom, I have a stronger sense of purpose. My role as being a mom is not any better or worse for being a working mom. It is not any better or any worse because I wasn't able to do all those things with Hutson. I am so grateful for my husband! I am grateful that he is my best friend and the one that makes me "okay" with staying home when I get off work.
*Now please don't get me wrong here. I am not asking for any sympathy. I am bearing my heart out to the fact that lifestyles are different. Our desires and wants are all different, but in the end we are all trying to make it work for ourselves and our families.
